When you get married and say your vows, your hopes are pegged on all the vows. You promise to love your spouse through whatever life brings and you don’t even think twice because you are marrying the most wonderful person there is!
Time goes by and you seem to be making great progress and then a bombshell is dropped on you: your partner is cheating on you. That is mind blowing news right there and you are probably going through a myriad of emotions. A few months later and you still can’t imagine loving your spouse again. Getting over the hurt is definitely not easy but there are a few other things that may be keeping you from forgiving your spouse.
- Uncertainty
What you once put all your trust in doesn’t exist anymore, or so it seems. You keep wondering what happened to your love and are not sure whether you can trust your spouse again. It leaves you uncertain about the future and all your plans and so making decisions becomes a problem.
You find it easier to just let things flow as you ‘wait and see’ what will happen next. Think about it though. Did you trust your spouse before they cheated? Everything else aside, do you still trust them? Don’t think about what society expects you to feel or think.
- Pride
You are the one who has been wronged and your spouse is the one who rejected you in the first place. You however don’t want to look all wounded so you keep your head up and let everyone know that everything is okay.
This grows and you slowly keep your spouse out and it acts as a shield whenever hurts come. You choose to show your spouse that you are fine without them and very little communication goes on between the two of you.
Instead of healing your heart pride suffocates it. This means that your marriage suffocates as well. Letting go of your pride will allow you to genuinely begin the healing journey and possibly give a chance for restoration.
- Revenge
You have been hurt and you must hurt them in return so that they know how bad it felt. This doesn’t give room for forgiveness though because forgiveness requires love and revenge is a hate thing. Extreme opposites!
Will you choose to continue with the hatred? Remember it affects your other relationships as well since it turns you into a hateful person.
- Fear
What if they cheat again? What if your heart gets broken again? Will they really change if I forgive? Once you get hurt it becomes a little difficult not to be worried about getting hurt again. Nobody wants to let themselves go through repeated hurt and pain. So you keep your distance because ‘once a cheater always a cheater’.
People do change though and it began with you. You are not the same person you were as a teenager and you’ve probably changed some since you got married. Your spouse is capable of changing too but they will need the right environment. Forgive, accept and love them and give them a second chance.
- Anger
You are angry t your spouse for not seeing what they destroyed so you want to show them and tell them. Anger is an expected reaction but holding on to it is toxic. You can’t love properly (even yourself) if you are angry. Your spouse may also not face the consequences of cheating since anger pushes them away.
Look into yourself and choose love instead. Let go of the anger and remind yourself of happier moments that were influenced by genuine love from your spouse.
- Ego
You were wronged so anything you say at this point is right and you will go all the way to prove it. You feel you deserve better and you push the other person to give it to you. At this point you are defending the territory of your mind, heart and hurt and not your marriage and there is little or no forgiveness.
Set your ego aside and don’t set out to be right because it won’t provide an opportunity for healing.