That person you married may not be your soul mate. Some may find this statement very disappointing and they could even go like ‘no wonder we keep arguing’ or ‘no wonder I don’t love him anymore’. No, that’s not what this statement means.
You see, people have been conditioned to think that there is one single person that was created for you. All the romance movies have impressed on you that when you start wondering whether you will find true love and whether it will indeed give you true happiness, your soul mate finds you and you live happily ever after. It doesn’t always happen like that and some have very quirky stories about how they met.
Think about it though. Isn’t it selfish and even self-centred to think that there is one specific person created just for you? That there would be one person to make you happy and end all your worries and troubles while you live blissfully forever, like a customized toy? You may indeed gel well with your partner but that does not always make them your soul mate. That doesn’t mean they are bad for you either.
True love does this to you
The first thing you are probably thinking of is that it fills you up and you just feel like you are walking on air. Well, it does do that when you are starting out. You feel like there is nothing else you would want on this earth if you continue to get a regular dose of this true love.
It also breaks you down though. True love makes you so vulnerable in another person’s sight and there is nothing you can do about it. Your partner slowly and sometimes unintentionally breaks down all the walls you have put up over the years. You begin to see that you are not a nice person because all the selfish tendencies and anger and all other flaws you may have come to the surface. You would prefer that they remain hidden and let you remain ‘perfect’ but well, love will not allow you to remain the same. Love silently demands growth and improvement from you.
Your flaws don’t disappear when you find your better half. On the contrary, they are magnified and they glare at you. You want to give your best version of you to your spouse because you know that they deserve it. You want it to last but that is not happening under the circumstances. You want to give your partner the best of you, healthy and complete.
Perfectly ugly
A soul mate sees through you and your lies and you see yourself in them. You see who you could be. You see a better version of you when you see them. They celebrate your strengths but also bring out your weaknesses. They literally force you to face your ugly. This is definitely not an easy process. You will fight, disagree, and act out like a two year-old until you both eventually gain courage to face your demons.
When you look at people who have been married for over 20 years and admire how they still look happy and in love, don’t think that they married their soul mate and everything just fell into place. True love takes work and sacrifice. You love the other person so much and unconditionally such that you want to change who you are to be the best you can be. Yes, people choose to change themselves for the better. You don’t change the other person. You can’t force them to the same way that they can’t force you t change.
Once you meet that special person that you develop a bond with over time, it takes work to keep the relationship alive. Love is selfless, not judgmental and will definitely not constantly remember all the wrong things done to it. It just keeps giving. When both of you realize that you will begin to see each other in a new light and work on your flaws to make your relationship your home, your haven of peace.