When two people get married you know for sure that they will get advice from all quarters. Everyone will tell them to love and respect each other, to pick their battles wisely, to never go to bed angry at each other and ensure that they are communicating with each other. Those in religious settings are told to keep God as the centre of their marriage. The one thing that conspicuously misses from this impassioned advice is sex. It is quite ironical considering they have now been given legal license to have sex and everyone knows they will be doing it.
Sex is a crucial part of marriage, even though it is small. It is the only kind of bonding that a married couple can have without using words or spending money. It allows a couple to communicate with each other and meet each other’s needs. It gives physical and emotional satisfaction and leaves you with ‘feel-good’ hormones throughout the day. It can even be termed as fellowship!
Why then do couples rarely talk about it? You will find many married women sexually frustrated but their husbands have no idea. They tell their girlfriends about how they don’t enjoy sex and when they hear people talk about orgasm they think the others watch too much porn. Some men feel their wives are too prudish in bed and want them to relax and be open to experimentation but they have no idea how to broach the subject to their wives. Such situations automatically cause a disconnect and inexplicable tension. It can even lead to physical frustration. The best way to avoid all this chaos is to do things differently from the onset and here is how.
- Tell your spouse your deepest sexual desires often
If there is something you’ve always dreamt of or imagined doing in bed tell your spouse about it. Tell them what you like, how you like it and listen to theirs as well. You may be surprised by what you find out.
- Get creative
Now that you know what you both like, get down to it. Add some variety and try something new. If it works you will have discovered something to add to your portfolio and if it doesn’t, you can laugh it off. Don’t let your sex life become boring.
- Throw in some compliments
Tell your spouse how good they were in bed. It doesn’t have to be explicit but they need to know that you like what they do. It will boost their confidence and they will definitely look forward to next time and will increase their urge to please you in bed.
- Talk about intimacy challenges
There may be things that are affecting your intimacy with each other and you should address them. Talk about stress, your worries and anything else that could directly affect your sex life. They say a problem shared is a problem half solved so why not? It will help you understand each other better instead of making assumptions.
- Embrace the lulls
Sometimes one or both of you won’t feel up to it for whatever reason. That’s normal and allowed. If one isn’t in the mood, don’t push them too much. The best thing would be to love on them. Try cuddling, a massage, watching a movie together, going for a walk, playing a game of scrabble or anything that will keep you connected without the sexual aspect.
Who knows, your considerate reaction might spark their sexual desire back to life. If not, they will be reminded that they are lucky to have such a great partner.
Talk to each other about sex instead of just having it. Let your communication be open, sincere and without judgment. Your home, and especially bedroom, should be your little haven; your safe place where you can bare your souls in every possible way.