People talk about marriage being an institution and how it shapes you into a better person. Just like in any other institution you have someone else in class with you working towards the same goal. Every institution gives out a curriculum that guides you in your reading so that you read what is useful to your line of study.
Marriage has a curriculum too and it entails human relations at a more complex level. Complex because two consenting adults of sound mind choose to forsake all others and bare their souls to each other for the rest of their lives. They willingly commit their all to someone they met along the journey of life and it seems like such a logical choice!
Do you really know this person well enough to spend the rest of your life with them? It is important that you understand this person as they are and not as whom you think they are. For this you will need a professional counsellor’s input. This is because they are well versed in human behaviour and reactions and are equipped to decode different mannerisms. A counsellor will therefore equip you for life with your partner. In what specific ways, you ask?
Understanding your partner’s emotional state
Every human being has an emotional side but many don’t reveal it to the public. Some don’t even understand why they react the way they do and this can leave anyone who interacts with them with many unanswered questions.
A psychotherapist can help assess your behaviour and the real cause behind it. Both of you get to understand each other based on your past experiences. Many people carry baggage from previous relationships and occurrences and this usually affects how they view things.
Learning how to be empathetic toward them
Once you understand where someone is coming from you need to find out how to empathize with them. Empathy is feeling what the other person is feeling; putting yourself in their shoes so that you can relate to them even though you haven’t had a similar experience.
Empathy opens a door for better connection and communication. This provides a safe environment for both of you and you are better able to open up to each other as time goes on. This should not compromise on your love and respect for each other because any serious relationship requires these two things.
Understanding what it means to love your spouse
Love is defined in many different ways by different people. The things that remain common are however the desire to be around the other person and doing everything in your power to make their life better. It is not about what you can get but is more what you can give.
It is not about a strong desire to have sex with the other person. That is just an added benefit. If that is the only thing you look forward to then you really have to examine that relationship because you could be in lust, not love.
Professional premarital counselling will allow you to check your foundation and see whether it will stand the rigours of marriage. It will show you any misconceptions you may have and will guide you in the right direction with regard to fixing any issues.
This is not to say that it is an easy process. You will see the good, bad and ugly side of your spouse-to-be and you get to decide whether you can live with that unreasonable side of them for the rest of your life. They come as a package you know, the good and the bad. You will be better equipped to handle your spouse in the present and in the context of marriage.
True, the counsellor is someone you don’t know and your business should remain private. The good thing is that they know what they are talking about and they are required by law not to say anything to anyone else. Don’t assume that you know it all. A little advice could go a long way!