How to argue without ruining your relationship:Some couples have built up thick skins to where they can tolerate even the most unkind of dialogue. Other couples are so mutually sensitive that they never get to the heart of the matter for fear of hurting one another. The worst situation is of course when one partner ascribes to the ‘sticks and stones’ adage and the other is of a disposition to be harmed by words. Knowing yourself and your partner’s tolerance for argumentation is absolutely essential in being able to hash things out without ruining that beautiful thing you have together.

All couples argue. Some just do it more effectively than others. Shouting and slamming doors never resolved any issue, but most of us already know that. It’s the smaller nuances of trying to make a point when you and your beloved disagree that can make or break your relationship. We don’t all communicate in the same way. But we don’t have to change our basic makeup, we just need to recognize that we’re not all hyper verbal nor all able to formulate responses at lightning speed.

Steamrolling a reticent partner breeds resentment so speaking calmly is important. Some couples find that writing things down or even keeping a spreadsheet of their various issues can eliminate misunderstanding. Trying to see the situation through your partner’s eyes and acknowledging that he/she might need a few hours or days to respond to a suggestion you’ve made can even strengthen the bond you have. After all, everyone feels better when they believe the person they love “gets” them. Love is about working together to solve problems and no one in a healthy relationship gets to win every debate.

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